Good Mom

When Mariah asked me to contribute to her space I was a little taken back (thoughts were "why me?") and honestly I was scared. See I have this paranoia of the internet (pictures/words never being erased and found or CIA monitoring) and things coming back to bite you in the butt. I've also been told and learned through experience that if you don’t want someone to find out something, never write it down, on paper or electronically. It’s not like I have such horrible things to hide, I don't want to say something wrong or something be taken as an absolute from little ol me, and then it turn into something bigger than what it needs to be. So a discipline of keeping my fingers silent on social media and let's be real, who's writes anymore, has kept me from getting myself into 'trouble’. But it has also silenced my voice, which I am learning has value and can help someone somewhere. I also have a black and white perspective, where if I was to write or speak on something it has to be backed by 100% fact/truth/experience. And I'm not always on the right side of facts, I have a guild for truth but I'm not fluent yet (the Bible), and I only have my experiences. So take this and future contributions with a grain of salt. I’ll be as diligent with my research and as honest with my experiences as I can be.

I've been told a lot that I'm "such a good mom". When I say "a lot" I mean, in my perspective I get that comment excessively, and from people that I don't really know how they would know that to feel comfortable enough saying it to me. And while I love the encouragement and I do recognize my efforts to be a good mom, there's a lot more to the story than just me. (In no way do I intend to shirk or belittle my involvement in my kids' development, so don’t take this as a ridiculous ploy to get encouragement back. But I have to give credit where credit is due.

FIRST, motherhood, as I can only imagine begins with mothers. My mother, is the best example of a 'good mom’ that I’ve ever seen. There were/are many occurrences where I considered how my mother treated me in a particular situation and said to myself "that's how i want to be." As well as "that's not how I want to be.” They may have been years or even decades later, that I had these reflections, none the less I have taken the good and learned from the bad. I was lucky enough to witness my stay-at-home mom (SAHM) raise my younger two siblings which included a long and extremely difficult dedication to breastfeeding. And so when it was time for me to breastfeed, my mother was my go-to and number one supporter. She’s taught me a level of forgiveness that is second to Christ’s example in regards to my two older sisters. And I could go on with specifics but the point is, I had someone to look to, my mom, and I wanted to learn.

It reminds me of Hebrew 13:7 “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” We don’t often equate motherhood to leadership, but the correlation couldn’t be more true. We lead our littles in every aspect, from setting the pace of what the day holds to how they dress and express themselves. If forming your little’s perspective of the world and dictating their lifestyle (at least up until age 16) isn’t considered leadership, then I am not sure we fully understand the word. If you are a mom, you are a leader. It may have been abruptly placed on you, as it was I, or you have been trying for that title for a long time. Understand that you now play a role in cultivating and building not just what your ‘motherhood’ looks like, but if you have a daughter, what her ‘motherhood’ will look like. And if you have a son, what he may or may not look for in a spouse.

And while I am grateful that I didn’t have to look outside the family for an example of good motherhood, I understand that some might. The key, is to do it. Find a mom that you want to be like and you want your kids to be like. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Ask questions, read their book or blog, research. I have talked with many new, young and old moms that haven’t been given the benefits I had with my mom and because they were willing to admit they didn’t know what they were doing and that they wanted to learn are developing happy, healthy, and productive people. And I say people, because I think saying people ensures that parenthood doesn’t get lost in the sleepless nights of the first decade. But that our work and title as ‘mother’ or ‘father’ plays a huge role in the development of our world. So we must take on that responsibility with diligence and commitment. I am grateful my mother and thus my grandmother did.

SECOND, my husband is…..

Tune in next month to hear how he contributes to ‘motherhood’.