ETA????!!!

When will I arrive?

All my life, I have struggled with this thought or idea, when I become this type of person, then I can or will succeed. If I would just choose to be more outgoing, caring, loving, kind, etc etc then I will ARRIVE. I will FINALLY lay hold of all of God's promises for my life, when I just become a better person, if I just choose to do or be more.

This thought or idea has given me permission in life to disqualify myself from meeting new people, from stepping out and being obedient to God's calling over my life. This mental state has made me believe that I am NOT good enough, that God can't use me in my current broken state that I live in. Most importantly, it has paralyzed the hopes and dreams I have.

It's my true opinion that in life this is something that we all wrestle with. This illusive idea of the person we could be vs. the everyday reality of who we actually are. That we all have high hopes for who we could be but never seem to achieve this idea or concept.

In a recent prayer time, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper something to me that was so amazing, it was a message for myself and a message to others around me who struggle in this area. "That being called, being brave, and stepping out has nothing to do with who you think you will be, but has everything to do with who I am. Jesus calls us, and its our job to step out and be obedient. He will fill any gaps in my personality that I feel I lack or fail in because HE CAN, and he doesn't want me to do this life without him."

So I ask this question, what is the point of being called by God, if you don't need him through the process? If I finally "ARRIVE" and become the person I want to be, would I need to rely on Jesus to accomplish what he has called me to? What if we find our purpose through the process of arriving rather then striving on our own to accomplish something?

I have realized that in life, it's the genuinely broken, busted and struggling people that God uses so often. Because they understand their deep need for him, that they can't be and will be nothing with out him. So to answer the question, whats my eta? When will I arrive and experience all that God has for me? I am not sure, but I am going to enjoy the process of getting there. That most times in life, the journey is more important than the destination.